Feather.

Light. Lighter than air. That is what I feel and know when I see a feather. I dread feeling heavy. Heavy with stress. Heavy with exaustion. Heavy with feelings. Heavy with guilt. Heavy with work. Heavy with being overwhelmed, overworked, and obligated. It causes me to be grouchy. And when I say grouchy, that is the understatement of the year. You do not want to see me grouchy. It's like stepping into the front lines of a war zone. I'm very black and white, I have very minimal grey area with mood. Imagine the opposite of the kind and gentle Jamie. The polar opposite. When I get this way, the house stays quiet. The silence irritates me more, because then I begin to feel guilty that my bad mood, my heaviness, has placed a suffocating blanket over the people in my home. I appreciate the respect of my mood, my black heaviness, and it reminds me that my aura blends into others auras around me. I have to "get light". I need to be a feather. When I made my feather branding for my photography, I was learning to find my lightness. I began soul searching, and looking inside for my inner light. I began meditation. I began living inside my consiousness. I began researching practices of calming triggers. I became more peaceful. I learned how to give myself a little more grey inbetween the black and white. It all helped. But in all of that searching, I still had a nagging feeling that I was missing something. Something very important. It hit me like a ton of bricks one day, in the car of all places. I just began thinking of my feathers. My own plume of feathers. The feathers that belonged to me. We all have our own feathers, but we all have different feathers. My feathers at the time felt heavy and soiled. My home feathers, my mom feathers, my wife feathers, my daughter feathers, my life feathers, my friend feathers, my career feathers, they felt so heavy. Those heavy, soiled feathers were restricting my flight. The flight that is necessary to keep going forward. You cannot go anywhere when you are stuck in a heavy mess. That's when I asked God to be my wind. I am HIS feather. When in His wind, I am pure, clean and light. And he will propel me in the direction he wants me to go. I prayed. I offered all my feathers. I gave him all power to control where he decided to scatter me. The piece I was missing was now found. Life began to feel a little lighter. Sometimes, giving up control of things is the hardest possible thing for me to do. In reality, I am never in control. The more I try to control everything, the farther away the solution to my situation becomes. The carrot in front of the horse, essentially. Learning to "just be" has been a hard lesson. I am a "no one can do it like I want it done" type. But I need to learn to let go in order for God to bring me forward. For 2012 and over into the years God allows me, I will be a feather in God's wind. I will allow him to lead me in the direction he so chooses. I will be lighter, and able to be free flowing to His hand in my life.

Kaylee.

Little Kaylee was having a rough day. She had to be awaken form a nap early to come get her pictures taken. I would have been grumpy, too! But because I am either magic, or because Kaylee was secretly enjoying her session, we were able to get some of the cutest images!







MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE :) God bless her pea-pickin' heart! What a grin!







I think we wore Kaylee out-



But it was Big Sister, Jayla, to the RESCUE!



Thank you to Stacy, Jayla and of course, Kaylee!

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Dear Dad,
I miss you. You would have been 59 today. It's not fair.

Funny how when I think of you I feel you near me. Sometimes I smell your smell, or swear I heard you laugh, when I am all alone. It makes me miss you worse, but also makes me happy to know you are here with me.

I heard "Whiter Shade of Pale" today. I thought of us dancing to "Old Time Rock-n-Roll" countless times in my life. I wanted to get you the card I have given you every year for years in a row now, but I don't even have the strength to do it this week. You know the one, the card where the little girls feet are standing on her dad's while they are dancing... I think I bought it 5 years in a row. It makes me think of you.

I wish you were here so I could tell you Lyric pooped on the potty this week. You would have made such a big deal over it. I wish you were here to smooch Liberty when she tells you about her bad dreams, or her aceing every spelling test this year. I wish you could watch Lib ride her bike. I wish you could sing the ABC's with Lyric. She can count to 12 now. I wish you were here to hold Mom. I wish you were here to help Jade finish his house, or chat with Mandy at the kitchen table. I wish you were here to see Jacob pitch for the 8th grade team, though he is in 7th grade. I wish you were here to see Griffin's team win their championship. I wish you could laugh your laugh at Dylan zooming through the house like a superhero. I wish Brandt could snuggle into your neck. I wish you could help Jordan with his summer projects. I wish you could welcome Jenelle back from Seattle. I wish you were here to talk work with Troy. I wish you were here to encourage me in my successes and push me through my stressors. I wish you were physically here to hug me with your dirty jeans and work boots on. I wish you were here.

I know you are here, but I am so jealous of God. I hope He is hugging you and kissing you for every moment we all think of you. Because I know you would be in a constant embrace. I just can't find a grip this week. I feel like I'm losing my footing the closer July gets. It only makes me miss you more.

I ache everytime something wonderful happens to our family. I feel like you are missing out.

I feel like I wear you on me, some days. Like you are closer than skin. Some days, I feel like you are a distance from me and I can't reach you. Those are the days when the waves of grief crash down on me. You always come back to me. That's what you have always done for me. Never giving up.

For your birthday, I want you to visit me in my dream. Like the dream I had of us in the heavenly garden. I want to dance with you again. For my birthday, I want you to visit Mom. I want you to kiss her and hold her and let it last from the moment she falls asleep to the moment she wakes up so it feels like you were with her all night. For my birthday, make sure Mom feels you around her. That's all I want for my birthday.

I love you, Dad. Forever. Enjoy your birthday in Heaven, and we will celebrate it here on earth.
Love,
Jamie Linn

Ross.. Never forgotten.

One of the perks of being a Senior photographer is meeting the beautiful souls that are yet to bloom. The excited stories of what they believe their future holds, and keeping intouch with them to see those dreams come to reality. It's even better when you can relate to your clients on a personal level. When you find the things you have in common, and a firendship grows from the working relationship.

I'll never forget getting a late night text from Ross Thatcher, telling me he was going to Rothbury. I, not knowing what it was assumed it was a college of some sort and I said, "That's awesome, Ross! What are you going for?" (I, stupidly, talking about a major!) and he replied, "Well, for the music!" He then asked if I planned on going and then it clicked that he was not talking about a college, he was asking if he would get to enjoy some good music with me! We had alot of bantering about music from that day forward (He was the first person to share Umphrey's McGee with me) and some funny correspondence via text message from then on.

That was just Ross. I think he found it to be his total nature to make people smile or laugh. We hit it off really well during his shoot, even though I think Sue, his mom, would have liked to see me more serious, but it was impossible to not have fun when Ross was around.

Why am I blogging about Ross, a Senior of mine from 2009? Because he was sadly killed this morning in a car accident. This is the first time I have ever had this happen with any of my Seniors, and I hope to never have it happen again. In his honor I would like to share some of his pictures from his session, and show you all what a lively and fun guy Ross was. You will never be forgotten, Ross!
(My favorite image from his entire session!)






Rest easy.
May the four winds carry you home.

Danika

This is personal post, and I am asking for your help.

I have a friend named Deb Gottschalk. I met her when I was fresh out of college and working for the local newspaper as a Graphic Designer. I recall one of my very first days there that Deb seemed to be one of those people who would probably give you a great big hug if you needed one. She is kind, and funny and could put a smile on your face in 10 seconds flat. She is one of those people you want to be friends with because you know that she would be there for you no matter what.

I left that job and we lost touch for a few years. The joy of Facebook reunited us, and at a great time too, because I was to find out that my dad had cancer soon and would need a friend like Deb. Deb would be an alli in this war of cancer I was going through with my father. Deb's situation with her own father was similar,and she helped me understand what was going on and helped me through some of the hardest things I ever had to face and prepared me for the things I would soon fear. I treasure the honesty she gave me at that time. I could never repay that.

Today, I need to try to pay on a bit of that debt, though it will never be reapid, I still feel the need to lift her up as she goes through a very dark time. You see, Deb is a proud Grandma. She bathes her Grandkids in love, and she will talk about them with joy in her words. She is the Grandma who you want to have. You know, she spoils her grandkids rotten. But soon she will face losing one of her beloved Grandbabies. I cannot imagine the pain she is going through, or her daughter's pain of losing a child. It is not something I ever want to think about. But this is real to them.



Please donate to Danika's benefit on May 12. Please share this video on your own blog, facebook, or in an email. Please raise awareness for SMA, so that other children like Danika may have a new chance. If you are a business, offer up a gift certificate or some kind of service to help this family. Please count your blessings and realize that even though you may not be going through this kind of pain personally, someone like Deb and her family are. Please give for Danika.

Cora 3 Months

I've personally had a very.. well... hectic few weeks. So it was a joy to get to snuggle on some little Miss Cora for a while and let those anxieties melt away! She has really grown since I seen her for her Newborn shoot, but she is still such a sweet and lovey baby.



She had alot of smiles for me, but the best smiles are always reserved for a mommy with tickles for her baby.. I am in love with Cora's dimple!



This is her model pose for this shoot ;)



The next 3 images are my favorite from the whole shoot :) LOVE!





BABY CHEEKERS!



Big sister Ruby had to get in on the fun. She was my helper all the while.. I hope you had as much fun playing as I did, Ruby! Who says headbands can't also be for legs and necks? ;)



Cora is sporting some fabulous knits from Queen Bea Accessories . And you can see some very beautiful do-it-yourself ideas from Cora's mom, Meghan at her blog . She also made some goodies for Cora's shoot!

Trey.

Trey was the last Senior I scheduled for the 2012 class. It's always bittersweet for me, when my Senior season winds down. So I used this opportunity with Trey to start to fine tune some ideas I have in my crazy head.

Trey was a good sport :)









Thank you, Trey! Enjoy your Senior year!